Sunday, June 1, 2008

What can Brown do for you? (part 1)

(as typed by Scott)

Thanks for all the positive votes. Since it's taken soo long to write them, I would like to dedicate this to Kim Isbell.

At the end of this post I would like for you to guess which one of these stories is not true. Your responses ought to be good.

1. The first year I was driving, a lady called the building and said I broke her door knob off. When asked by the Hub mgr. if I broke her screen door handle, I said no, but I forgot to put her box in a rain bag and it stormed later that day. The mgr. said she did mention her box was soaked, but didn't complain about that. He also said that she calls all the time trying to get someone to own up to breaking her handle.

2. About 7 years ago I was being taken out and trained how to deliver on Saturday. My friend Possum (real nickname) told me this story. He was teaching another friend, Booger, (also real nickname) how to deliver. He had handed over a high value package ($1,000+) to Booger and told him to hold it til the next stop. Booger just placed the box down on the floor between them. As they were driving down the Atlanta Hwy, both side doors were open (b/c it was in the middle of the summer). Of course, a gust of wind blew the box out onto the middle of hwy! Possum stopped in the middle of Atlanta Hwy and ran back to get it!! To make it even better (visually), Possum runs bowlegged.

3. I had a C.O.D. package for a hair shop, and the lady approaches me with this phony Jamaican accent and asked me to just leave the box. I told her no, I need a cashiers check or money order for $350.00. Then she proceeds to ask me if I could just take the box back and leave the weaves of hair. I told her nice try, but I gotta go (you know we're always in a hurry). Then in a clear American accent she says "I guess it didn't hurt for me to ask".

4. I always go to this one house with Hispanic residents. From time to time they get C.O.D. boxes. One time I knocked on the door and told the guy "UPS, you've got a C.O.D. for $75". He says "No English". I leave knowing good and well that he speaks English, but doesn't want to pay for the box now. Customers get 3 attempts on delivery, so I go back the next day and knock on door and when he opened the door I refused to say a word. I just stood there staring at him, holding the box. After about 6 seconds, he looks at me and says in perfect English "What". In return, I said "No English" and smiled. He got the message and paid no problem the next day.

5. On one of my routes I would have time to go bowling with a friend of mine from church for my hour lunch break. I would always park the truck around the side (I was a little bit off of my route... 1 mile). After lunch, AA left and I went to crank the truck and the battery was dead. I had left the headlights on because it had been raining. I refused to get busted, so while I was walking next door to Auto Zone to get some jumper cables, I called to see if AA had some. He did, so I was saved. Their should be a moral to this story but I think we kept bowling a couple more times.

6. I was delivering about 5 Dell computer boxes to a used car lot, when I came in the side door and asked the secretary where she wanted the boxes (big mistake). She preceded to yell into the next office down the hall that the computers where finally here. Other lady yells back, "Well tell him to get in here and hook them up!!!". Secretary responds, "I don't think he's gonna do that", to which she responded, "He will if he wants to get paid". I had heard enough yelling, so I went down the hall and asked very sternly if she would sign for them. When she looked up, her face turned beet red and she apologized, and I told her I was the last person she wanted hooking up computers.

7. I came in the side door for a signature at an air conditioning business, and a man in the corner was looking away and acting squeamish. All of a sudden the 3 ladies in the room busted out laughing. Turns out the man thought I was from the Sheriff's department (brown uniform).

8. I got asked by a guy at a red light if I ever watched the show "King of Queens". The light changed, I was turning left, and he was supposed to go straight... yet he holds up traffic telling me that I really ought to watch it because it's just like my job (like he has any idea!!)

9. Never cry wolf!!!. I ran inside one brick company and told the guy real quick that I needed a lot of pallets because they had 20 computer boxes. He ran to help me before I could tell him I was just kidding. He only had 1 keyboard box. Turned out they were moving and had ordered a huge shipment for their new store. They all came (26 big boxes) the next day and, yes, I unloaded them with no help.

More to come!

14 comments:

Nancy Hood said...

I don't know the story behind telling these stories, but they all sound believable to me :) My husband, Johnny Hood, was the Southeast District Supervisor for Maintenance up until Aug. '83! He loved his job, but hasn't missed the pressure :) He's talked about wild UPS stories for years; enjoyed your blog!!

Kristi said...

Scott writing...

I would love to swap stories with Johnny some time. I just got jealous b/c Kristi got to put up her crazy vet stories. Tell Johnny I had a mechanic that told me when the alternator went out on me one day to finish the route by leaving the truck running or just to pop the clutch the rest of the day. I was delivering up in the mountains of Wetumpka. Needless to say they brought me another truck.

The Epps Family said...

My guess as to which one is NOT true? They all sound possible, because we all know there are some weird folks out there. But......I think the one about the hair weave is the false one!

Rebecca said...

They all sound crazy!!! I am sure there is never a dull moment!

angie said...

My guess is the Hispanic residence if the false story.

Lerra said...

Ummm...my guess is #7, but I really have no idea.

On a side note, I have been in an off-and-on lunch & bowl league, and one time while I was there, my battery died!

The Hester Family said...

Okay so #7 is just the best. I laughed out loud at every nickname and at the end.

ICURIS said...

i like #2 with booger and possum! but i think #4 is the fake one...

sweeter and the bubbas said...

I agree #4 is the fake story...only b/c I don't see you doing that Scott, you're too nice! :-)

Roxy Wishum said...

Good stuff! You know,Scott, blogger is free and I promise to visit your blog regularly if you start your own. Please don't let your blogging be like UPS is to the USPS. I am going to say that #4 is mostly true, except that your comeback was made to other UPS guys and not to Jose. I have had LOTS of fun with UPS guys through the years--including my brother who left that lucrative career to become a preacher.

Uncle Rick said...

Ok Scott, I'm gonna venture a guess ans say that #4 is the fake. However, thay all sound feasible. Although #9 sounds the least like the Scott I know.

Patrice said...

Rick, You did not always know Scott and some of the tricks he played on people. I can remember one time as kids, when we were on a road trip: Scott is looking out the window and starts to point to this guy we are passing. Scott is trying to tell this guy that he has a flat tire. Scott finally gets his point across and you can tell the man is concerned and pulls over. The man did not have a flat tire. Scott thought it was really funny.

I would not know which one is made up.
Love ya, little brother

Uncle Rick said...

I'm with Roxy. Scott, I think you should definitely start your own blog. Kristi, you may need to help him, he is a Georgia Fan, ya know. I would definitely visit your blog if you start your own.

Sarah said...

Hmmm...maybe #8 isn't the real one. Can't tell, they all sound like they could be true. I love the one with the guy running bow legged down the Atlanta highway and the lady with the fake jamaican accent. Thanks for the laughs, appreciated them greatly!

~Sarah G~